A Year Ago Today!

....The hallway was quiet. Not quite like I imagined. I guess I thought it would be like the scenes I've seen so many times on the t.v. drama series E.R. It wasn't. It was peaceful, and almost serene. my gurney was parked along a long glass window that overlooked the mountains to the East. As I peered out the window trying to calm my nerves, I saw the rays from the sun as they began to crest over the tops of the mountains. It was a wonderous sight. I remember wondering how I could notice such beauty as my life seemed to be in such turmoil and uneasiness. As I said a silent prayer for peace I remember feeling a great sense of calm, of acceptance, of purpose. I knew many guardian angels were surrounding me. They were watching over me. They were guiding my surgeons hands. They were with me the long nights in the CICU. I knew I wasn't alone. I heard chatter as the team of Dr's were "scrubbing in". I remember thinking how I hoped everything had been properly sanitized. Such a strange thought. My Anesthesiologist introduced himself. I asked him if he was giving me the "magic elixir." That's the last thing I remember about that hallway.

My surgery took just over 6 hours. I was on the bypass machine for about 1 1/2 hours. I thought maybe I'd at least have some kind of cool dream...but nothing.

As I slowly came to I heard someone mention they were able to pull the breathing tube before I was awake, and 99% of the time that isn't possible. I again whispered a silent prayer. It seems silly now that the only thing I was worried about my surgery, was waking up with a breathing tube down my throat. I soon realized that there were many other things that should have consumed my worries. I don't remember the first time I opened my eyes. Maybe I didn't for a while. The next 48 hours in the CICU were challenging. I received a sponge bath to remove the idodine that covered my entire body. It was comfortable and relaxing.

That first night was long. I was told I could ask for more pain meds every hour, but was frustrated because I couldn't see the clock without my glasses. I was allowed ice chips, but each time the nurse came in to check my vitals she moved my tray just far enough so that I couldn't reach it on my own. I didn't try to move much that first night.

The next morning I had to get up and sit in a chair. My body was not my own. I felt disconnected and wretched with pain as I got out of bed. I managed to sit in the chair for nearly an hour that morning. It was miserable. I felt almost as if I were in and out of consciousness. I didn't want to move. The thought of standing back up to get back in bed made my head spin. Adam and my mother showed up while I was still sitting up...I'm sure I looked like death...I certainly felt like it!

My days in the hospital were spent walking, resting, breathing in the negative sperometer, trying to gag down food, dozing in and out of consciousness, and praying. I received a blessing from Adam and my cousin...which I don't recall. I remember one instance my aunt and cousins came to visit. I had taken my oxygen off earlier that day to eat and forgotten to put it back on again. I think I must have blacked out a few times, cause I don't remember any of the conversation. When the nurse finally came back in my oxygen was only 52. She made me promise I wouldn't take it off again..not even to eat. And then there was the first time they made me get on the scale. I soon learned that part of the reason I felt so crapy was that I had gained 25lbs of fluid from all the iv's!!

I had a lot of apprehension about going home just 5 days after my surgery. I was nervous to say the least. It took all the strength I could muster just to make it up the stairs to my bedroom. As I fell back into the recliner, I vowed I would never get up again! The strong diuretics made me break my promise.

Adam helped me up and to the bathroom all day long. I took walks around the kitchen island because that was all the strength I had. I couldn't sleep in bed, because it was too painful. Adam did his best to wash my hair for me. Recovery was long and hard.

I've learned several life changing things from this experience. The first....I can do it again....maybe only because I know I will have to in about 10 years. Second....I'm stronger than I even imagined. Our Heavenly Father really does give us the strength we need to overcome obstacles and trials. He knows what we can bare. He knows what will challenge us and make us stronger, better people. He hears us...every time we pray.

A year ago today my life changed....but only for the better.